Everton – West Ham United

1. Everton take on West Ham at Goodison Park but will have to do so without Mikael Arteta who is injured. Andy Van der Meyde makes a rare appearance for the home side. James Collins plays in central defence for the Hammers and Carlos Tevez is rewarded for last week's histrionics with a starting place up front.

2. A firm handshake between Alan Pardew and David Moyes. Nice to see that.

3. Everton get us underway. More specifically, Andy Johnson gets us underway. Everton will be glad of his services today.

4. Everton get a free-kick after Jonathan Spector concedes a foul. It is about twenty-five yards out from the West Ham goal but Paul Konchesky heads it away when it is played in.

5. 1'

   Van der Meyde threatens down the right but has to cut back inside. Everton then give the ball away quite cheaply and the move breaks down before it got started.

6. 2'

   A poor pass from Konchesky goes straight to Alan Stubbs.

7. 3'

   Yobo launches a big punt up the field towards James Beattie but it is too hard and goes out for a throw.

8. 4'

   James McFadden makes a quick turn but then fouls Anton Ferdinand to give away a free-kick.

9. 5'

   Matthew Etherington's teasing cross is cleared by Alan Stubbs.

10. 6'

    Leon Osman tries to play in Andy Van der Meyde but the winger is unable to collect his pass. Was it over-hit or could he have reached it? A question that is up there with the chicken/egg scenario.

11. 7'

    Carlos Tevez shows glimpses of his undoubted talent by teasing the Everton defence with some nice footwork before finding Bobby Zamora with a lovely pass.

12. 9'

    Everton have a throw deep in Hammers territory but the visitors manage to win the ball and break. Mullins pass is poor though and drifts harmlessly back to Tim Howard.

13. 10'

    James McFadden is penalised again after pushing in to Jonathan Spector a bit too firmly for the referee's liking.

14. 11'

    It is very windy at Goodison Park today which may make the long ball a tricky tactic today.

15. 12'

    Bobby Zamora blocks a poor Tim Howard clearance and then West Ham win a corner. It comes in but Everton concede another immediately. Once more the ball is plaeyd in and this time Carsley knocks it behind. It's not third time lucky for West Ham though and Everton now have a throw-in.

16. 14'

    Yobo now has conceded a corner which Tevez will take.

17. 14'

    Tevez's corner is better this time, in that it goes in to the penalty area, but Yobo gets a head to it and Everton clear the danger.

18. 15'

    Koncheskl whips in a ball from the left which finds Tevez. He then plays it back to the defender whose shot from distance is blocked.

19. 16'

    Carsley wins a good header in midfield then goes on the chase to collect Nuno Valente's return pass. He hasn't got the legs to get there though and West Ham have a goal-kick.

20. 17'

    Some great play from Tevez to set up Lee Bowyer whose shot from eight yards out is well saved by Tim Howard. Tevez is the best plyer on the park so far. His corner is cleared once more however.

21. 18'

    Tevez now tackles Yobo and he looks 'up for it' today. Who knows what he might do should Pardew decide to sub him?

22. 19'

    Van der Meyde's cross is cleared by Collins for a corner. Everton can't make anything of it though and West Ham have a goal-kick.

23. 21'

    Bowyer is penalised for a needless foul in the Everton penalty area.

24. 21'

    A wonderful cross from Van der Meyde on the Everton right is parried somewhat fortuitously away by Robert Green. Good wing play from the ex-Inter man.

25. 22'

    Another corner for the Hammers. This time Etherington has a go. They get another corner which they take short but they then get another corner. Etherington tries his luck again but Tim Howard plucks the ball from the air as it comes across.

26. 25'

    Alan Stubbs deflects a Carlos Tevez shot with his studs.

27. 26'

    Alan Stubbs' studs. Perhaps when he retires from the beautiful game the Everton defender could join a stripping troupe who could travel the country under this moniker.

28. 27'

    Etherington's cross is blocked by the aforementioned Stubbs. At the other end, Robert Green makes a wonderful save after Tim Howard's big goal-kick finds Andrew Johnson. His shot is hit low and hard but Green makes a great stop.

29. 28'

    Tim Howard is now called in to action as Tevez's shot troubles him. West Ham get another corner but when it comes in Collins is unable to bother the Everton keeper.

30. 30'

    Tevez is caught offside.

31. 31'

    Tevez cuts inside and curls a shot towards the top right hand corner of the goal but Tim Howard gets in the way and foils his dastardly plan.

32. 32'

    Wonderful curling cross from Van der Meyde is headed behind for a corner by Bowyer.

33. 33'

    From three yards out Lescott somehow manages not to score when the corner is played in. Try using feet/head rather than knee next time Joleon.

34. 34'

    Poor clearance by Yobo puts his defence in trouble but Stubbs does well to boot the ball away from danger.

35. 36'

    This time it's Yobo's turn to make a hefty clearance.

36. 37'

    Van der Meyde wins a corner for Everton and his prize is to get to take it.

37. 37'

    It's a poor corner but McFadden plays it back in to the danger zone and Robert Green shows courage to come out and claim the ball as the imposing figure of James Beattie bared down on him.

38. 38'

    McFadden goes in late on Spector but nothing is given.

39. 39'

    Konchesky fouls Van der Meyde, perhaps jealous of the Dutchman's silky skills. The free-kick is on the edge of West Ham's area but James McFadden wastes it and the ball sails behind for a goal-kick.

40. 41'

    Ferdinand, looking scared of the ll, mis-times the flight of a high ball and Green is relieved that it bounces in to his arms.

41. 42'

    Lescott shows strength and composure to play his way out of defence before he is fouled by Tevez.

42. 43'

    McFadden bursts from midfield and tries a shot from twenty yards out which Green gets down to smother.

43. 43'

    Lescott concedes another corner under pressure from Tevez. It is headed behind for a corner. This is West Ham's twelfth of the game. If this were a game of Gaelic football, and corners were worth one point, then West Ham would have won this game by now. It isn't though and we are stuck with that reality. Oh, and the corner, in keeping with the tradition of this match, is wasted.

44. 45'

    Beattie is penalised for fouling Anton Ferdinand -and that's it....

45. 45'

    (well, kind of) - HALF-TIME - an 'interesting' first half. Both keepers have been called in to action, with Robert Green's saves the pick of the bunch. It looks like one goal could win this one though and there is little from the first half to tell where this is going to come from. Not much between either side.

46. 45'

    It is now West Ham who will re-start the game. Let's hope the second half is a wonderful advert for football. Come on everyone!

47. 45'

    Etherington has won a throw but he has pulled up and seems to be injured. He is off the pitch though so forget him, there's football to be played!

48. 46'

    Etherington is back on the pitch now and appears to be showing no ill effects. Now Tevez tees up Zamora but his finish is poor and well over Tim Howard's crossbar.

49. 47'

    James Beattie produces one of the worst shots you will ever see after Johnson made a nuisance of himself in the West Ham defence.

50. 48'

    Etherington's free-kick is partially cleared by the head of Lescott before the trusty boot of Stubbs finishes the job.

51. 49'

    Good tackle on Tevez by Lescott.

52. 49'

    Loveable cockney rogue Lee Bowyer has his face contorted in rage as a decision goes against him. It is a beautiful sight as i am sure you can imagine.

53. 50'

    GOAL - Beattie does well to chase a seemingly lost cause as he gets to a ball which appears to be going out of play. When he gets his cross in West Ham clear it from the six-yard box but Leon Osman is on hand to volley home from the edge of the box. A fine strike.

54. 53'

    Lescott gets under a high ball to clear the danger.

55. 53'

    McFadden fails to control a flick-on from Johnson in the West Ham box and Green has to be quick to come and take the ball.

56. 55'

    Johnson goes over and looks for a foul as Collins challenges him. The referee isn't playing though and gives him nothing.

57. 56'

    Stubbs dithers on the ball and is nearly caught out by Tevez. Nearly, bit not quite.

58. 57'

    Nice break from the middle by McFadden who plays a one-two with Johnson but is unable to flick the ball goalwards when he tries to deflect the cross in.

59. 58'

    A poor pass from McFadden who manages to play a ball to a section of the pitch where nobody is there.

60. 59'

    Teddy Sheringham is coming off the bench it would seem.

61. 60'

    Zamora shows nice feet before Yobo clears for a throw-in. Lee Bowyer then has a shot from twenty yards but it is tame and straight at Howard.

62. 61'

    Mullins is dis-possessed by Beattie and Osman again bursts through the middle but Green gets down to save his shot this time.

63. 62'

    Osman is booked now for a foul on Tevez.

64. 62'

    Tevez dusts himself down and takes the free-kick. It is hit straight at the wall but then Anton Ferdinand floats a ball towards James Collins whose header is directed towards the Everton goal but is too close to Tim Howard.

65. 63'

    Osman troubles Mullins again and the midfielder looks keen to add to his strike.

66. 64'

    Good tackle by Van der Meyde wins the ball back for Everton but Yobo's cross can't find either of his strikers.

67. 65'

    Now Van der Meyde finds Beattie with a fine pass before Johnson picks up the ball and fires a shot from twenty-five yards. Collins closes him down though and his shot is always going wide.

68. 67'

    Bowyer loses the ball, then fouls McFadden with a terrible 'tackle' for which he is quite rightly booked. Now Everton have a free-kick in a dangerous area. Good work Lee!

69. 67'

    Beattie blasts the free-kick straight at the West Ham wall.

70. 68'

    Bobby Zamora makes way for Marlon Harewood and Lee Bowyer (to a rapturous round of applause) is replaced by Tedy Sheringham.

71. 69'

    Spector's ball in to the Everton box is headed clear by Yobo.

72. 70'

    Stubbs is penalised for a foul on Harewood about thirty yards from the Everton goal.

73. 70'

    Tevez takes it again and this time he beats the wall but also sends the ball high over the Everton goal.

74. 71'

    Tevez again has a go, but the ball goes wide once more. Perhaps he should have passed there.

75. 72'

    James Vaughan is on to replace Van der Meyde.

76. 73'

    Alan Pardew looks worried. He looks a bit cold too. Not a great combination I'm sure you'll agree.

77. 74'

    Tevez knocks the all out of play as Paul Konchesky is 'injured'.

78. 74'

    Konchesky makes a miraculous recovery and the game re-starts.

79. 74'

    Tim Howard slices a clearance and gives West Ham a throw-in.

80. 75'

    Konchesky delivers a perfect cross up towards Sheringham who should bury his header from ten yards instead of completely missing it, which is what he does.

81. 76'

    Harewood produces a fine save from Howard after a mazy run and wins a corner for the Hammers.

82. 76'

    McFadden on the near post heads the ball to safety.

83. 77'

    James Collins is booked for scything down James Vaughan. Come on man, he shares the same christian name as you!

84. 78'

    Lee Carsley, from the resultant free-kick, has hit a free-kick so bad that even Roberto Carlos would be ashamed to be associated with it.

85. 79'

    Collins has to do well to make a challenge on Johnson and he times his tackle to perfection.

86. 79'

    McFadden is booked for a foul on Collins.

87. 80'

    Etherington takes the free-kick but it goes straight out of play.

88. 80'

    David Weir is stripping off, possibly to audition for team-mate Alan Stubbs future side-project, or possibly to shore up the Everton defence for the remainder of the game. The number of Scotsmen on the pitch will not be increasing though as James McFaden will be taken off.

89. 80'

    Or will he? McFadden's name flashed up but Leon Osman has pulled up injured and it is he who will leave the pitch to make way for Weir.

90. 83'

    Jonathan Spector is replaced by Javier Mascherano.

91. 85'

    Great run from Reo-Coker but he over-hits his pass and Everton now have a throw-in near their goal.

92. 86'

    Johnson so nearly manages to slip the ball through to Beattie but West Ham are able to block it.

93. 87'

    Sheringham and Harewood get tangled up in the Everton area and the Toffees are able to capatalise on their confusion by hoofing it away from their goal.

94. 88'

    Ferdinand slips to let in Johnson who then passes to McFadden whose rasping shot is well blocked by Mullins.

95. 90'

    Valente takes the ball off the toes of Reo-Coker who is so enraged that he fouls the Everton defender.

96. 90'

    Tevez drifts inside but his ball in to the Everton penalty area is easily dealt with by the Toffees defence.

97. 92'

    GOAL - Substitute James VAughan has sealed the points for Everton. He blasts a shot under Robert Green who is unable to get down to block it with his body when perhaps his feet would have done the job bettter. That's Vaughan's first goal in the Premiership this season and now Mark Hughes has come on to replace James Beattie. What next, Peter Beagrie to come on for McFadden???

98. 94'

    FULL-TIME: A well won three points for Everton which will do their European aspirations no harm. It's back to the drawing baord for West Ham and they may have to dip in to their new owner's bank account to bring in some fresh faces come January.

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